The Real Heart of Weight Loss by Dr. Matthew Anderson
Many of us use food to "kill" uncomfortable feelings. Instead of eating to kill these feelings, we can learn to identify, experience and work them through.
As we learn to manage our feelings, we change our relationship to food and to ourselves. We increase our self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-empowerment and often lose weight. Today I want to explore two very powerful emotions that many of us "eat to kill."
Disappointment
First we feel hope and/or expectation. Disappointment never occurs without one or the other. We may hope for or expect love, understanding, attention, recognition or affection. When these hopes or expectations are not realized, we feel powerful disappointment.
The reason the disappointment is so intense is that the things we hope for or expect are often significant to our well-being. We need them for emotional survival. But, sadly, many of us have lived our entire lives below the emotional poverty line. We hope that these wonderful gifts will arrive at the doorway of our hearts, but we live in constant disappointment -- it never quite happens.
Periodic disappointment is manageable. Chronic disappointment is overwhelming. So we eat to avoid the hollow, sinking feeling. We will eat anything to avoid its heart-wrenching effects. To those of you who are chronically disappointed with life, love and yourselves, and eat to manage it, I offer the following advice.
Make a disappointment list. Write down every disappointment you can remember. Leave nothing out. As you read it, let yourself feel. Breathe deeply and feel. Cry if you need to.
Then, make an action list. What were the disappointments about? What did you hope for? Make a list of new hopes and/or expectations you are willing to do something about. The key here is positive action. If you need attention, affection, recognition, admit it and go do something about it. Do something constructive. Act!
Deprivation
A client once told me she felt deprived every time she ate. She explained it like this. "When I cook a meal, I worry about not having enough food, so I buy more than I actually need. When I serve my plate, I feel a panic that I won’t take enough, so I take too much. I end up eating much more than I want or need because I feel so afraid that I will feel deprived. It’s so crazy. We weren’t poor growing up. We always had enough to eat, but I have these feelings every single meal. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so deprived all the time?"
Examining the underlying causes of your feelings, thoughts, and emotions will help you on your journey.
Are You Destined to Lose Weight?
Why have you failed to lose weight? You know by now that your journey will be full of triumphs and challenges. Obstacles will distract you at every turn. The question is - why have you failed to reach your goal? I think your failure may be related to your answers to these questions. Take an honest look and see what you think.
1. Do you want to lose weight enough to do what is hard?
2. Do you want to loss weight enough to make meaningful changes in your life?
3. Do you want to lose weight enough to face and heal your past?
4. Do you want to lose weight enough to end your toxic relationships?
5. Do you want to lose weight enough to change your opinion of who you think you are (from negative to positive)?
6. Do you want to lose weight enough to forgive yourself?
7. Do you want to lose weight enough to forgive others?
8. Do you want to lose weight enough to really get to know your deepest needs and wants?
9. Do you want to lose weight enough to really wake up and take charge of your life?
I imagine that you had at least some reaction to one or more of my questions. Which question really got to you? What do you think would happen in your life if you explored that question in depth? Think about it for a moment. Take an honest look and see what emerges. I am certain that something useful will appear.
Are You Afraid to Be Thin? By Dr. Matthew Anderson
All fat people say that they want to be thin. But research in the International Journal of Obesity shows that about 95 percent of overweight and obese people fail at weight loss. They do not fail because they are lazy and undisciplined. I believe they fail because many of them have a deep-seated fear of what will happen when and if they drop all those pounds.
Let’s assume for a few moments that you are one of these individuals. Here is a brief description of what occurs when you try to lose weight: The Gain-Lose-Gain Again Cycle.
You get sick of being overweight and decide to diet. For a while you drop pounds. Then without warning you lose control and begin to gain again. You feel possessed by a drive to eat and you cannot stop even though you know you are re-gaining all that weight you worked so hard to lose.
You hate and blame yourself and you may even feel a bit crazy. Eventually you get sick of being overweight and you begin the cycle all over again. The results are the same.
I have counseled hundreds of individuals who relate the same disturbing story. I have discovered that they share something in common: They all have a deep fear of being thin.
When their weight loss approaches a certain point they stop feeling fat. This is when their fear takes over and drives them to revert to fattening eating habits. The fear is often so strong that they have no way to productively manage themselves. This process continues until they gain enough to take away the fear.
Tragically, almost all diet programs have no understanding of this fear and provide no support, counseling or tools for discovering and managing it. Thus they make great claims about losing large amounts of weight, but never tell you that nearly all their weight-losers put it all back on in less than two years.
Is the situation hopeless? Are you doomed to be held hostage to your fear of thin? No. You can overcome fear if you identify it and then confront it with support.
The list below contains examples of fear I have collected from many of the weight-challenged people I have counseled. If you find even one item that applies to you, look more closely at yourself. Simply identifying a fear is a giant step on the way to overcoming it.
1. You may fear your sexual energy. Many individuals fear that they will lose control sexually if they lose weight.
2. You may have been raped and fat protects you from men: “If I stay obese men will not pursue me and I will be safe.”
3. Your self-esteem may be very low and you might actually feel undeserving of weight loss.
4. Your fat may be a way of resisting the growing-up process (baby fat), because adulthood seems frightening.
5. You may believe that losing weight might require you to make other scary or painful choices and changes (divorce, change jobs, lose friends).
6. Weight loss may require you to accept more challenges or responsibilities. Staying fat then becomes a form of safety.
7. You may fear being seen and therefore judged.
8. You may fear the loss of food as a drug and a hiding place from the difficulties of your life.
9. You may fear your own power: “Who and what will I be if I drop these pounds?”
Here’s a great exercise for exploring your fears of being thin. Write 25 different completions to this sentence:
“I am afraid to be thin because… ”
Don’t stop with five or 15. Do all 25. If you stop you may miss the best information. This technique will help you access your unconscious (your inner self), which contains the real reasons you cannot drop your excess weight. The first few responses to the unfinished sentence are usually superficial and obvious. Going to 25 will push you past the easy and often useless answers.
Once you begin to get deeper responses to this unfinished sentence you will see that your difficulties with weight loss are well founded. Many of my clients have said to me, “No wonder I had such trouble and failed so often. That fear is pretty intense.”
Identifying the source of the fear will give you valuable information. Then you can begin the inner work necessary to heal or manage it. Once you do this you will find the entire process of weight loss easier and your chances of success will increase greatly.
What might that inner work entail? If, for example, you were sexually abused as a child, you might fear losing weight because your new thinner body would attract men who will harm you. Once you discover this you could see a professional counselor to face and heal the pain and lose your fear of men. Then getting thinner would no longer pose a threat to your well-being.
Another example that is prevalent among women is the fear of power: “Who and what will I be if I drop these pounds?” If you do my exercise above and discover that you have this concern you can learn to explore and express your power in manageable steps and not get “out of control.” As you begin to see that your personal power is your friend and can produce positive results in your life, the fear will shrink — and often your body will do the same.
In every instance, whatever this exercise reveals can be faced, managed or healed. Then the fear that blocks your successful weight loss is diminished. As it lessens you will discover that the process of long-term, healthy weight loss becomes easier.
The central issue here is your willingness to find the true inner sources of your fear of being thin. Once you make this powerful discovery you will be on the way to a healthier life and a thinner body.
Strange Question: Are you afraid of being thin?
Even Stranger Answer: Yes, you very well may be and you will probably stay fat until you discover and confront the very good reasons that are behind this fear.
Okay, now that I have your full attention, I want to make some sense out of my provocative question. I know you really want to lose weight. I also assume that you have a history of losing and gaining and that you feel frustrated and possibly dejected about achieving long term weight loss. However, if I have come close to describing you then we definitely have something to talk about. I have some good news and some bad news and the bad is not really that terrible.
The Bad News: You have a hidden force inside you that is keeping you fat. It is this force that suddenly appears after you have begun to lose weight and drives you back to overeating and comfort foods. This force is located in what I call the Unconscious Mind and it has tremendous power over your eating habits. Most weight-challenged persons cannot lose weight and keep it off until they discover and heal or manage this inner force.
The Good News: This force can be identified and healed or managed (with a bit of inner work). Individuals who do this kind of inner work usually make much better progress on their weight loss journey. I lost 65 pounds this way and have kept it off for 5 years.
Question: How do you make contact with your Unconscious Mind and identify the reasons it want to keep you fat?
Answer: Do the exercises I have described below. Really do them. Take them seriously and they will produce some truly meaningful results. Each one will make a big difference.
Discovering why you are afraid to be thin
Do a Fat Time Line. Write down a history of your body. Start with a time that you were not fat. Then note when you began to gain. Describe the events that occurred in your life as you were beginning to gain weight. See if you can identify any incident or series of incidents that may have caused you significant pain. Explore the possible connection between your weight gain and then painful incidents. See if you can begin to understand why being fat might be a way of protecting you from any or all of the pain in your past.
Fear of Thin. Make a list of at least 5 uncomfortable things or situations that you will have to confront or handle if you become the weight you really want to be. Do not tell yourself that being thin will only bring you good things. Major life change always has its down side. Think about it. What kinds of potential difficulties will weight loss bring you? You may not consciously think about this but your Unconscious Mind has some concerns. If you identify them and take them seriously, you can change your reactions and handle your fears.
Weight loss may equal loss of excuses. If you lose weight you might lose some of the excuses you have used to hide from life. What if you have used your weight to hide from love or sex or being successful or being more visible or powerful or more outspoken? When the weight goes away, your excuses may also disappear. Take an honest look at your motivations and see how true this one is for you. Clue: This applies to almost all chronically overweight persons.
"Why You Want to be Fat"
Why do you find weight loss so difficult? You struggle to lose and then some hidden force pops up and takes control and makes you fat again. The fact is that you are being driven by 2 conflicting forces and one of them actually wants you to stay fat.
“Until we identify and manage the inner forces that fear and resist weight loss we will be doomed to stay fat. The good news is that this can actually be done with some serious and focused inner work! This kind of work really makes a difference to one’s body and one’s life in general.”
Dr. Matthew Anderson is an author (The Prayer Diet), counselor (35 years) and national columnist/expert on weight loss, motivation, self-management and relationships.
Fitting in fitness: Finding time for physical activity
Finding time for fitness can be tough. The key is making it convenient. Consider these practical suggestions. By Mayo Clinic staff
Are your days a blur of work, household chores, errands, and time with family and friends? Setting aside enough time for sleep — let alone exercise — can be tough. Yet even the busiest people can find time for fitness. The key is to make it convenient.
Make the most of your time at home Time spent at home doesn't have to be "couch potato" time. To make fitness a priority at home:
Wake up early. Get up 30 minutes earlier than you normally do and use the extra time to walk on your treadmill or take a brisk walk around the neighborhood. Some research suggests that people who exercise in the morning are more likely than are others to stick with it. If you're too stiff in the morning, however, wait to exercise until later in the day.
Make household chores count. Mop the floor, scrub the bathtub or do other housework at a pace fast enough to get your heart pumping. Outdoor work counts, too. Mowing the lawn with a push mower is a great way to burn calories. Raking and hoeing strengthen your arms and back, and digging works your arms and legs.
Be active while watching TV. Use hand weights, ride a stationary bike or do a stretching routine during your favorite shows. Get off the couch to change the channel or adjust the volume.
Involve the whole family. Take group walks before or after dinner. Play catch. Ride your bikes. It's best to build up to about 30 minutes of continuous activity, but you can exercise in shorter bursts, too.
Get your dog into the act. Take daily walks with Fido or Fluffy. If you don't have a dog, borrow one. An enthusiastic dog may give you the motivation you need to lace up your walking shoes.
Make it an escape Sometimes being at home can be a distraction. If you prefer to get your exercise away from home, you might:
Get social. You may do better with the encouragement of others. Try a dance club, hiking group or golf league.
Join a team. Sign up for a softball, soccer or volleyball team through your company or through your local parks and recreation department. Making a commitment to a team is a great motivator.
Join a fitness club. Sign up for a group exercise class at a
nearby fitness club. The cost may be an incentive to stick with it.
Plan active outings. Make a date with a friend to hike in a local park, or take a family trip to the zoo.
Be active while running errands. When you go to the mall or grocery store, park toward the back of the lot and walk the extra distance. If you have a little extra time, walk inside for a lap or two before you start shopping. Keep a pair of walking shoes in your car so that you're ready when you find a few minutes for exercise.
Work out at work To fit in more physical activity while you're on the job:
Make the most of your commute. Walk or bike to work. If you ride the bus, get off a few blocks early and walk the rest of the way.
Take the stairs whenever you can. If you have a meeting on another floor, get off the elevator a few floors early and use the stairs. Better yet, skip the elevator entirely.
Take fitness breaks. Rather than hanging out in the lounge with coffee or a snack, take a short walk.
Start a lunchtime walking group with your co-workers. The regular routine and the support of your co-workers may help you stick with the program.
Schedule physical activity as you would any other appointment during the day Don't change your exercise plans for every interruption that comes along. Remind yourself that physical activity is important, too.
If you travel for work, plan ahead. Bring your jump-rope or choose a hotel that has fitness facilities. If you're stuck in an airport waiting for a plane, grab your bags and take a walk.
There's no single best way to fit physical activity into your day. Your lifestyle, job and family responsibilities will point to the most convenient time and place for fitness. Do what works for you — and make daily physical activity a habit you keep.
Spinach QuicheEggbeaters.com
A savory custard enriched with the goodness of spinach
in a delicate pastry crust
Hands On: 15 minutes | Total: 1 hour 10 minutes | Makes: 6 servings (1 wedge each)
Ingredients
• 1 frozen deep dish pie crust (9-inch), thawed
• PAM® Original No-Stick Cooking Spray
• 1 medium onion, chopped (1 med = 1/2 cup)
• 1 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 pkg (10 oz each) frozen chopped spinach, thawed, squeezed dry
• 1 cup Egg Beaters® Original (1 cup = 8 oz)
• 1 cup fat free milk
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon dried basil leaves
• 3/4 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 450°F. Lightly prick side of pie crust with fork. Bake 5 minutes, or until lightly browned; set aside. Reduce oven to 350°F.
2. Spray medium skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium heat . Add onion and garlic; cook and stir 4 minutes, or until tender. Add spinach; mix well. Spoon into crust.
3. Combine Egg Beaters, milk, flour, basil and hot pepper sauce; pour over spinach mixture. Cover edge of crust with foil to prevent over browning.
4. Bake 50 minutes or until knife inserted into center comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes before cutting into 6 slices to serve.
Calories 215 Sugars 5 g
Total fat 10 g Protein 8 g
Saturated fat 3 g Vitamin A 87%
Cholesterol 7 MG Vitamin C 3%
Sodium 267 MG Calcium 12%
Carbohydrate 24 g Iron 14%
Dietary fiber 1 g
PHOTOS:recipes.sparkpeople.com
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