How to Live in the Moment by Making Yourself a Priority
Taking Me Time and Not Feeling Guilty
By Robert Bradley
Takeaways
• Live life from a position of offense not a position of defense.
• Take time for yourself or wither away under the burden of other's expectations
• Live in the moment by prioritizing your needs first
You know that you need to get some time to yourself. Other people have told you that you need to take some time for yourself. But every time that you try, you either feel guilty and think that you're being selfish
or your mind starts swimming with "all the things that you have to do." Sometimes, some of the same people that have told you that you need to take some time for yourself start coming up with things for you to do "to help them out."
So, what do you do? How do you put yourself first and not give in to the nagging voices, both inside and out? But before answering that question, have you stopped to wonder, why you actually have those thoughts and hear those voices? Do you know what you need to do to quiet those voices?
Are you doing things for others in order to gain approval and to make yourself feel better about yourself and feel accepted? Simply put, to quiet those voices you have to change the way that you see yourself and the reason that you do things for others. In short, you have to decide whether you are going to do what you do from a defensive posture or an offensive posture? Are you going to work from a place of looking for acceptance or a place of being accepted? To quote from the bible, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places... wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved." (Eph.1:3-6 KJV)
There are several major differences. And while some would say, do what you can do, for whoever you can, by any means necessary, there are a few problems with that. First, there are problems that affect yourself known as burnout, resentment, and "hurry sickness." At the same time, there are problems that affect others, such as co-dependence, selfishness and laziness.
Not making time for yourself and always doing things for others, generally comes from a position of defense; seeking approval from others, or what may be rationalized as, "meeting felt needs." That demonstrates a sense of misplaced priorities and not understanding ones own importance. Yes, you are important and yes you are needed. But, if a person doesn't understand their own importance, they tend to get their priorities mixed up and seek to meet everyone else's "felt needs" and not their own. And it is usually to that person's detriment.
When you don't take time for yourself, it leads to people depending on you and sometimes not doing what they need to do for themselves to be whole independent persons. This in turn leads to a lack of growth in them and a slow withering death in you.
To use an old word that may bring up thoughts of the ten commandments or tenured college professors who want some time off, you may a need a sabbath or sabbatical. Basically, you may need some time away to rest and re-create. A book by Gordon MacDonald, entitled, Ordering Your Private World, describes this need to re-create with more depth and passion than can be written in a short article like this. But, it boils down to your need to take time to meditate and be alone with God in order to reestablish your priorities and understand your place in His family and His world.
For us common folk, taking a sabbatical doesn't have to be a long protracted time away from everything and everyone. Here are a few things that we can do in our daily lives to start taking some me time:
-In the morning or evening, spend some time outdoors. Whether it's just sitting or taking a walk with no real destination, get out and enjoy the world around you.
-Make a chart or diagram of your relationships and responsibilities and put yourself and/or your needs and desires at the top.
-Make a conscious decision to drive slower, even if that means getting behind someone who is driving slower than the speed you would normally go. Making that decision does wonders for your breathing and your outlook on getting to your destination.
-Choose to say no to a request that will intrude on what you know is best for you, even if doing what's best for you is just sitting quietly doing nothing in particular. Generally, we know what we need to do for our well being, but a lot of time we put our well being on the shelf and accept the intrusions of others.
-Choose to say yes to something that will help you to relax and re-create.
These are just a few small steps that you can take to start putting yourself first and taking some me time without being selfish. When you proceed from a place of offense and not defense, a place of knowing that you are already accepted and not a place of seeking acceptance and approval, it's easier to know and set your boundaries and make time for yourself.
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