Four Step Priority Plan by Dr. Phil
If you are stressed, mentally exhausted and out of balance, you aren't being fair to yourself or your family. You'll be a happier person — not to mention a better wife, mother and friend — once you stop putting your own needs last. Dr. Phil has advice for making yourself a
priority.
1. Get over the guilt.
• Don't feel guilty for taking time for yourself. It's not selfish to make yourself a priority.
• Redefine what it means to be a "good mother." Instead of using society's definition, create your own measure of success as a parent.
• A good mother is not one who only sacrifices; a good mother is also able to give of herself. If you don't have passion and happiness in your own life, you can't give it to your children.
• Give yourself permission to be more than half of a couple, more than "just" a mom.
2. Make yourself a priority.
• Don't confuse the quality and quantity of your time. They simply aren't the same things. Focus on the impact that your time does have, and give yourself the same attention you'd give someone else you love.
• Don't do everything for your children. They are able to do some tasks on their own. Take the time to teach them how to do things for themselves.
• Learn the art of saying no, the ability to delegate and the capacity to accept help without feeling guilty.
3. Discover your passions.
• Find something that you love to do. What gives you a sense of pride, accomplishment or enjoyment?
• Think back to when you last felt this sort of passion. Now, ask yourself: "What would it take to put that feeling back into my life? What can I do to recreate that feeling now?"
• When you've found your passion, make time for it in your regular schedule. Don't allow yourself to treat this "me time" as an option. It should be as important as anything else.
4. Gain the support of your family.
• This isn't always easy, but it can be done. Let your family know how and why you need to do things for yourself — so you can be a better mom and wife.
• Compromise with your family. Help them to understand that while things may change, you won't be abandoning them.
For Weight Loss Success, Make Yourself a Priority through Selfness fitwoman.com
Moving from Selfish to Selfness
As women we are often taught to be unselfish, to take other people's needs and feelings into consideration. Frequently we give all our life juice to others in the process, leaving nothing for ourselves. Putting the other guy (or gal) first is the message we receive from our families of origin and also from our culture. Needless to say, that creates problems with weight loss success.
Now being selfish, that's another kettle of fish. When we're selfish, we can be rude or insensitive or bitchy. We look out for our own needs no matter what others want or need. Sometimes we feel justified in this position because we used to be unselfish, but got burnt out and decided we just couldn't keep doing the giving.
Enter Selfness
Selfness is thinking of our own wants and needs while taking someone else's needs into consideration.
The trick here is that often we don't even know what we want. For example, a friend asks if we'd like coffee or tea. For many of us, our knee jerk response is, "Whatever you are having." We hate to put her out if she wanted coffee and we wanted tea; we're being unselfish. We hate to say we really want tea; we see that as being selfish. Frequently we're so well trained to the response of "whatever you are having" that we honestly have no idea what we want.
Practicing a selfness reply is the place to start. So when the question "What would you like?" is asked, we can take a guess and say, "Coffee, please." When we sip our coffee, we may realize that our mouths would rather be sipping tea. But we gave it a try. With practice in small ways we can start to listen to ourselves, which is the first step to selfness.
Steps to Selfness for Weight Loss Success
• Start to listen to you. It's hard to say what we want and consider others' feelings when we're not sure of what we desire. If you don't know what you want, take a guess. Sometimes you are right.
• Use I statements. "I would be happy to drive if that would be more convenient for you." I statements help us to take ownership of our thoughts, feelings and words. It moves us from the back passenger's seat – "anything you want, anyway you want it -- to the driver's seat.
Practice out loud on your own when you are driving or at home alone. "This time you can decide what we are having for dinner, but next time it will be my turn."
• Believe that your needs count. Use affirmations such as:
o " I count my own needs as I count others' needs."
o "It is okay for me to ask for what I want."
o "I can lead or I can follow."
o "I take care to listen to my body and not just go along with what my friends want to eat."
• Embrace selfness. Know that balance is what we're looking for in all things and is particularly important for weight loss success. Balancing our needs along with our family's, balancing home and work, food and exercise. The process of selfness is riding the teeter-totter of life so that we don't always end up feeling depleted and unacknowledged. Balance: To give and to receive.
PHOTO: trustit.ca
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