The Upside of Your Problems: Some Surprising Benefits* By Lindsey Antin
We all likely have our favorite personal qualities that we secretly (or publicly) admire about ourselves. While many of these characteristics are probably universally positive, it possible that something we love about ourselves — for example, assertiveness — might be perceived as someone else as bossy or overly forward.
Similarly, when discussing perceived “flaws” in counseling, my clients are often surprised to discover that the very things the dislike about themselves can be reframed as beneficial in some way. Therefore, coming to my office gives a client a chance to see himself from a new perspective. This doesn’t mean they always agree with my viewpoint, but as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, being able to see yourself in a compassionate manner is always the first step towards behavior change.
When seeking out solutions to problems, it is always worth at least noting that most problems have some benefits to them as well. In therapy we call these secondary gains.
Here are some upsides to common complaints brought to individual counseling:
• The Upside of Anger: sometimes anger is easier to deal with than not allowing yourself to feel anger.
A client might feel worried that their anger is uncontrollable, but the positive side to feeling anger is just that – the client is actually feeling something and can therefore DO something productive with that anger. Anger can relieve stress and prevent runaway anxiety. Anger gives a therapist a lot of opportunity to help a client.• The Upside of Loneliness: A client struggling with loneliness has already advanced past many of us who fill our days trying to prevent this feeling; they are experiencing something we fear most. A lonely client seeking companionship has already been figuring out how to structure his day, soothe his quietest moments, and engage in solo activities. Plus, a client who has learned how to live through loneliness can be well prepared to be an independent and self-sufficient partner. A lonely client gives the therapist a chance to help them build his life around his most permanent relationship: the one with himself.
• The Upside of Anxiety: An anxious client wants desperately to soothe the physical feelings that accompany anxiety. What the client doesn’t realize is that the flip side to his anxiety is the concerted effort his brain is making to soothe him. The client is tuned into life and cares about something; otherwise, anxiety would not be present. Therefore, we can reframe anxiety as a normal response to something that has just gotten blown out of proportion. Anxiety is an extreme measure of self-care.
• The Upside of Depression/Pessimism: Clients who have worst-case scenario thoughts about their lives are usually very good at predicting and overcoming potential obstacles. This can turn anxiety and brooding into action, which is empowering. A depressed client always has positive aspects to his life that he has been downplaying or not tapping into. This is one reason why depression is so difficult to tackle without professional help; there are immense blind spots with regards to positive qualities that a therapist can help the client see and use.
Solution-Focused therapy, in my opinion, is better than any other therapy when it comes to helping a client reframe their problems and see opportunity and choice.
*http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapy-upsides/
Rabbi relates meaning of Yom Kippur By Rabbi Yaakov Rapoport
There is a story about a fellow walking down the street and he sees his friend standing on the corner searching for something. He says to his friend, “What are you looking for?” And the friend answers, “I lost $100.”
He says, “Let me help you look.” After an hour they cannot find the $100. Finally he says to his friend, Where were you standing when you lost this money?” And his friend says, “Down the block.” He turns to his friend in exasperation and says, “Then why are you looking here?” And his friend says, “Because the light is better here.
Everyday we are bombarded with a massive amount of information. Much of it regarding the worlds problems. Oil spills, the environment, war, famine. Many of us are motivated to do something. And because we see things globally today, we want to implement these changes on a global scale. We want to demonstrate, mobilize, make a big tumult.
The theme of Yom Kippur is set in the Torah (Jewish Bible). It is referred to as Achat Bashanah — The one day of the year. It is the day in which the power of one is revealed. During Yom Kippur of old, in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem one high priest, serving one G-d, in G-d’s one Temple, on His one holiest day, would beseech Him on behalf of His one people, and subsequently the entire world.
Of course we cannot lose sight of the simple meaning of the word Yom Kippur — Day of Atonement and Forgiveness. True atonement and forgiveness is when we implement change. Then we know we have truly broken with the less desirable traits of which were required to rid ourselves. To do this most effectively we must, unlike the man in the story who was just searching where it was easiest, look where the damage is — in ourselves.
We start with one, each one of us is one and then we can look out there globally. Tikkun begins with Tshuvah (Repentance) and that begins with each of us. Dealing with the “one” inside is the secret of reaching the Holy One, Blessed Be He.
The great Jewish scholar and sage Maimonides stated, a person should always see himself and the world as a balanced scale. One act can tip the scales in either direction. There was a time until recently when this was seen by most people as a figurative description.
Today, one person, making one good resolution, doing one good deed can change the entire world. With the scientific advances made in this past century, we understand how one person can affect the destiny of the entire world. One madman can hold a world hostage with his finger on a button. And just as one person can, G-D forbid, destroy the world, so to can one person make a difference in changing the world for good.
We must, of course, be concerned about the world and its problems. We must fight evil when it raise its ugly head. We must try to feed the starving across the sea. However we mustn’t loose focus on the individual.
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur come in close proximity. Rosh Hashanah commemorates the creation of the universe. Yet the actual day of celebrating Rosh Hashanah it is set on the day of Mans, creation. Why? To teach us the power of the individual. Our sages taught, why was man created singular? To teach us that whoever saves one life is as if they have saved the whole world.
This Yom Kippur, every one of us holds the keys to the world’s future. Our good deeds, our primal cry from the depths of our soul, can penetrate the gates of heaven and bring about the change we are waiting for. A world where goodness and kindness reign, a world where G-dliness is recognized.
Benefits of Recumbent Exercise Bikes*
There are many benefits of recumbent exercise bikes – some benefits of recumbent exercise bikes are quite obvious, like the comfortable seat,
but others you may not yet know about here.• They come equipped with a bucket seat – this seat can be so much more comfortable than the hard and tiny seats that come attached to spinning bikes and upright exercise bikes.
• Also, because the seat is larger, it is more comfortable for larger, overweight people who want to get into exercising – there is no reason why they should have to be turned off by a little seat!
• Another benefit of benefits of recumbent exercise bikes, in terms of the seat, is something that only men can fully understand…
• One of the main benefits of recumbent exercise bikes is how low impact they are compared to other exercise machines. Think of how much impact your knees and other joints take from all that pounding you do no a treadmill! A recumbent bike is a great way to take the strain off of your joints.
• The impact on your joints of a recumbent bike is even lower than that of a stationary bike. This is because your feet are more at the same level with your body rather than lower.
• You can get a great cardio workout while using one of these bikes.
• You can really strengthen your lower body.
• Basically all parts of your lower body stand to get a great workout from your use of a recumbent – your inner thighs, butt, calves, etc.
• And if you move the seat closer to the pedals, you can even workout your lower abs!
• Both men and women can easily use recumbent bikes.
• These bikes are great for persons of all fitness levels.
• For an extreme workout, you can set a course on your recumbent bike that includes multiple hills.
• If you want an upper body workout, too, you need only to bring in the use of free weights. Because you are so much more balanced when sitting on a recumbent bike compared to a stationary bike, you can even do bicep curls.
• It is easy to watch TV or look out the window or even look at the pictures in a magazine while using a recumbent bike. And the more entertained you are, the more you can take your mind off of your workout, and the longer you will be able to work out.
There are many benefits of recumbent exercise bikes. To find out more benefits of recumbent exercise bikes, you are just going to have to try one of these bikes out! Do not be fooled by the slightly strange appearance of recumbents. Sure, you are used to the look of regular upright stationary bikes, but recumbents are starting to become more popular, and with good reason. You are going to be seeing even more recumbent bicycles on the road, as well!
* http://www.americanfitness.net/infobenefitsofrecumbentexercisebikes.html
Harvest Oatmeal www.wegmans.com
MAKES 5 cups
ACTIVE TIME: 15 min TOTAL TIME: 30 min 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 pkg (20 oz) Food You Feel Good About Cleaned & Cut Butternut Squash, finely diced (about 2 cups)
4 cups Wegmans Apple Cider
Salt to taste
4 Tbsp Food You Feel Good About Sweetened Dried Cranberries
2 cups Food You Feel Good About Old Fashioned Oats
Add All Ingredients to List
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
1. Spread walnuts in shallow baking pan; bake 5 min, stirring once. Remove from oven; set aside.
2. Add squash and cider to saucepan; bring to boil on MEDIUM. Reduce to simmer; simmer 8-10 min until squash is tender. Season to taste with salt. Add dried cranberries; simmer about 3 min until plump. Stir in oats; cook and stir about 1 min. Let stand 1-2 min before serving.
3. Spoon into warmed bowls; sprinkle with walnuts.
Chef Tip(s):
Toast walnuts the night before to bring out flavor.
Calories: 330
Nutrition Info: Each serving (1 cup) contains 330 calories, 57 g carbohydrate, (6 g fiber), 8 g protein, 9 g fat, (1 g saturated fat), 0 mg cholesterol, and 25 mg sodium.
PHOTOS:blog.thefoundationstone.org, magneticrecumbentbike.com, wegmans.com
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