Happy 55 3/4 Birthday To Me

At 6:00 a.m. this morning I glanced at the calendar and said, "Hey, in three months (June 25th) I'll be 56 years old!"

Believe me, I'm not one of those types who considers their Birthday a National Holiday; wait a minute, I kinda am. But seriously, as I grow older, and others who I love so much have died, it makes me appreciate each passing year more.

These days, I tend to refer to myself as the "old" Ellen and the "new" Ellen or a Pre-Pray it Off versus Current-Pray It Off (PIO) version of Ellen. Notice I didn't say "Post PIO" because I will be a PIO person, and attend weekly meetings, the REST OF MY LIFE. Daunting, your initial reaction might be; but you know it's actually rather exciting!

God willing, the time is going to go by regardless of what we do with it. We can check the mirror daily, bemoaning each line and wrinkle or we can give our reflection a big, toothy grin and yell back, "I see you're still kickin' WOO HOO!!!"

We can cry in our pillows over; lost opportunities, mistakes, sins, people who've wronged us etc. etc. etc. OR we can redefine ourselves, CHANGE, embrace that healthy lifestyle, let the past go. LET IT GO. Forgive ourselves. LIVE.

If you don't know how to do this, pray about it. If you don't know what to say, just say this, "God, I love you. Please help me." Keep reading my blog, I promise I'll try to help.

I remember listening, over and over, to Roy Clark singing "Yesterday When I Was Young" and crying my heart out. It was 1968, I was 14 years old.

"Yesterday, when I was young,
The taste of life was sweet, as rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life, as if it were a foolish game,
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned,
I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand,
I lived by night, and shunned the naked light of day,
And only now, I see, how the years ran away

Yesterday, when I was young,
So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me,
And so much pain, my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time, and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think, what life, was all about,
And every conversation, I can now recall,
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all

Yesterday, the moon was blue,
And every crazy day, brought something new to do,
I used my magic age, as if it were a wand,
And never saw the worst, and the emptiness beyond

The game of love I played, with arrogance and pride,
And every flame I lit, too quickly, quickly died,
The friends I made, all seemed somehow to drift away,
And only I am left, on stage to end the play

There are so many songs in me, that won't be sung,
I feel the bitter taste, of tears upon my tongue,
The time has come for me to pay,
For yesterday, when I was young."



I reflect on these lyrics, at 55 3/4 years old, and I see something different. Yes, they are still sad. Yes, they can still make me cry BUT you know what, they don't represent a fait accomplit. Time doesn't run out until God opens His arms to take us home.

There are still many songs in me, and in EACH OF US, and they can be; WILL be sung.

I've paid enough for yesterday when I was young (Hey, it was the 70's!). I can stop beating myself up. God loves me, I love myself. I love you.

It ain't over!!! Not even when the once morbidly obese, fat lady (who now eats less, moves more and prays) sings and she's singing now... Happy 55 3/4 Birthday to Me, Happy 55 3/4 Birthday to Me.........