The Struggle of Surrender*
By: Kristen L. McNulty
A few years ago I had to take one of those personality and aptitude tests for a class that I was in. When the results came in, my answers reflected that I'm a problem solver. No surprise there. I've always been the 'if something is broken, fix it' type of person, but lately that trait hasn't been such a good thing. In fact, it has been a source of seemingly endless frustration because what happens when I'm faced with a problem I can't fix? And it seems like there has been an awful lot of those lately.
From family circumstances to my health to certain aspects of ministry, I've been facing so many problems with solutions that I cannot implement or organize or even come up with on my own.
So I'm left in a place I don't like- pushed up against the wall with no obvious source of escape. It is in this place I am faced with a choice: do I keep fighting on my own or finally surrender it to the only One who holds all solutions?
As much as I'd like to say that I surrender, that often isn't the case. I push and climb and search out every avenue; then when there is nothing left and I am completely exhausted, I take my first look up. It's looking up that I find a sovereign God who looks past my stubbornness and see His broken child. It's also there that I can finally lift up my hands and let go. Let go of unfulfilled expectations. Let go of broken relationships. Let go of my sickness and my sin. Let go of myself.
As my grip is slowly loosened, the weight that I have been carrying is taken away and I can begin to relax as I watch God work. Sometimes this is a fast process, but often times it is extremely slow one and requires a lot of stepping back and re-surrendering over and over again. The process also requires us to have a different focus in our vision because sometimes God's solutions are hard to see because they look so differently from our own.
Jim Elliot once said: "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him." Surrender is our way of leaving the choice with God and He honors our surrender with His solutions. Like an artist painting a masterpiece, He sees the whole picture before He even touches the canvas. One day, we too will see the whole picture. The paint may be blotched in the areas we refused to let go of, but our God can make beauty out of everything- including our mess.
So today I'm standing with my empty hands stretched towards heaven. Tomorrow I may try to fill them again, but through this struggle of surrender God is faithful and patient with this child of His. He is also willing to accept any problem. All we have to do is admit that we don't know the solution and finally let go.
*http://www.madradioshow.net/impact/impactsurrender.html
Such an important lesson to learn. I think we're all trying. It's something to work on everyday.
ReplyDeleteTonights topic brought up a some feelings some of us try to put aside on PIO nights so the humor tonight was especially important. :)
Very good meeting as always. But, also a good topic and one to really think about. After the meeting and the next day I kept thinking about this topic and how true it is. Many of us tend to make everything alright for everyone, and we always can't; but, it is so hard to admit that and let go. Many situations in life we have no control and even if someone tries to blame us for it, we have to truly pray about it and realize that it was not our fault - there is nothing we can do about the situation; and as hard as it is - we need to leave it in God's hands and TRUST HIM. God always prevails. Maybe not at our time, or how we want it; but if we only surrender our struggles and problems to Him - GOD WILL ALWAYS HOLD US IN THE PALMS OF HIS HANDS.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ellen, for doing so much for me through this group and for the many other members of this group. I, personally know you spend a lot of time preparing for a meeting and you always do such a wonderful job, and for me you give me something to always thing about and bring me closer to OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST. I may no be losing the weight fast, but struggling with life and the situations that I must handle, thanks to you and another special friend and My God and Blessed Mother - I am a better person and I THANK YOU FOR THAT.
Excellent, excellent topic again. Love you may dear friend and leader.
Thank you both for your comments. It means a lot to me, and to the readers of this blog, to get your input. We are all in this together! I thank God, constantly for the people I have met through Pray It Off. He is so wise!! Love El
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