Questions and Answers from Overeaters Anonymous
http://www.oa.org/
If I am powerless over food, where will I get the power to follow this plan?
Our Higher Power gives us the power, providing we do the footwork.
Working the Twelve Steps, committing our daily plan of eating to our Higher Power and a sponsor, going to meetings, making phone calls, studying the literature and using the other tools bring us the power to do what we have not been able to do before on our own.
How does having a plan of eating help me work the Steps?
The act of continually overeating and the never-ending attempts to hide our abnormal behavior squander great quantities of mental energy. Overeating clouds our thinking. Most newly abstinent people talk about the clarity and increased productivity that comes after a few weeks of abstinence.
The inner-change process of the Twelve Steps requires clarity and painstaking self-honesty. A plan of eating leading to abstinence puts food in the proper perspective, so we can devote our clear-headed energies to working with our Higher Power on changing those things in us that need changing.
What is the difference between a plan of eating and abstinence?
Abstinence from compulsive overeating is the objective of working our program. At the physical level, its simplest definition is to refrain from eating compulsively, and a plan of eating helps us to achieve this. At the emotional and spiritual levels, abstinence is a state of mind characterized by freedom from the food obsession; this comes because of working the Steps and surrendering to a Higher Power.
Isn't this just another diet?
We treat our food obsession as a physical, emotional and spiritual malady. A plan of eating is the beginning of learning a new, healthier way of eating. It is a way of life, not a temporary solution. Unlike dieting, a plan of eating is not about deprivation. Choosing to follow a healthy plan of eating is a positive choice for life.
Why is it so difficult to eliminate excess food?
There is no question that food often takes the edge off uncomfortable emotions. When we are abstinent, we begin to experience the feelings that food has kept us from facing. Recovery is about learning to face these feelings without seeking comfort in food. This is what we learn in our emotional and spiritual growth in the program. Excess food keeps us from "feeling and dealing", and we must put food down before we can get the full benefits of the program.
It seems like all I do is think about food. How can a plan of eating stop that?
A plan of eating allows us to minimize the time in the day that we have to think about food. We plan once a day, write it down, commit it to our Higher Power and a sponsor, and then don't think about food until it is time to eat. Committing the plan to our Higher Power and a sponsor allows us to clear our minds of food thoughts and improves our focus on the rest of our program and on our lives. Over time, our plan of eating will become a new, positive pattern.
Following a daily plan of eating seems too hard. What if I don't have the discipline?
Our willingness to do something about our compulsive overeating is a product of two things. The first is pain. The pain became so great that finally we were willing to take action. Second, we changed our minds about self-sufficiency. Most of us suffered from the delusion that self-sufficiency is one of the objectives of life and that not being self-sufficient is a defect.
To use the plan of eating tool, we have to be willing to accept that the disease is stronger than our willpower. We must be willing to try a way other than our own, which includes planning our meals and committing them to someone, letting go of problem foods, and learning to recognize the difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger. We must be willing to begin again if we make a mistake. Moreover, we must be willing to put the pursuit of abstinence from compulsive overeating ahead of everything.
When the urge to eat is driving me crazy, how do I stick to my plan of eating?
Thinking of eating is not overeating. We do not have to act on our feelings. The worst thing we can do is try to talk ourselves out of it. Our unaided willpower will usually lose. Taking some short-term action—any action other than eating—will usually help alleviate the urge. We can do a few things. Ask our Higher Power to remove the urge, call another member and explain what is going on; get to a meeting; write about our feelings; read a piece of weight loss literature to help us focus on our recovery; and remind ourselves that we can abstain, no matter what.
What is the biggest danger to watch out for in trying to follow my plan of eating?
Mostly our thinking. Our irrational thinking may make us view a plan of eating as a loss of freedom, when in fact it leads to freedom. This illusion can keep us a slave to food forever. In addition, we remember not to focus only on our plan of eating. The recovery program is a three-part program physical, emotional, and spiritual. Focusing only on physical recovery usually does not result in abstinence. We have to work all three parts of the program if we hope to achieve and maintain long-term abstinence.
What is the connection between food and emotion?
For a compulsive overeater, anorexic or bulimic, eating is attached to emotions. We are never fully satisfied, no matter how much we eat or avoid eating, because we are eating for emotional reasons rather than physical reasons. We eat for excitement, love, celebration, loneliness, escape, pleasure, and comfort. We devour food, purge, or abort eating to anesthetize ourselves. We eat out of anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, fear, pride, guilt, and grief. As the problem worsens, and it always does because this is a progressive disease, the self-destructive impact of overeating begins to far outweigh the temporary pleasure or comfort that eating once brought. For the Anorexic, starvation becomes a way of obtaining that "emotional high" The Bulimic feels that "rush and relief" of the purge cycle. Eventually, some of us do this for so long that we become addicted to an eating pattern for no apparent reason, even when the pleasure has turn to pain.
What happens if I go off my plan?
Relapse is not inevitable. However, you should take every precaution to avoid it. If you make a mistake and go off your plan of eating, it does not make you a mistake. We admit our mistakes, learn whatever is to be learned from them, and move on. There is no value in feeling shame, guilt, and self-hate. A slip reaffirms that we continue to have a disease that we cannot control on our own. We are not failures because we have a failure. Failure is being unwilling to start over.
What about my family? How can I do this to them?
What we have found is that if we do not take care of ourselves, we cheat others out of our best. The best thing we can do for those we love is to recover from the disease, whatever it takes. Those who love us want us to be healthy and happy.
Will I be following this plan of eating the rest of my life?
You need to remain flexible and honest about your plan. A change in a plan of eating is not a break in abstinence, as long as you are not eating compulsively. Eating plans may change over time as you gain more experience or your body changes. You may think a particular food is not a trigger, and later find that it is. Alternatively, you may find that you need to lose weight, but are not doing so with your current plan of eating. If you have been in the program for awhile, you may find that you need either less food or more exercise to maintain a constant weight. You may even switch trigger foods. For awhile, you may have no trouble refraining from a particular food, and then one day wake up in the morning obsessing about it. When you think a change is in order, it is wise to consult a professional and notify your sponsor about changes in your plan.
What happens if I conscientiously follow my plan of eating?
The accomplishment begins to make us feel good about ourselves and grateful to our Higher Power. Our feelings of self-worth begin to grow when we see the results of working all three aspects of the program. We come to understand that our self-esteem comes not from others, but from within. Chaos and cloudiness are replaced with a new clarity. Our accomplishments reinforce that we are going in the right direction and motivate us to continue our journey through the Twelve Steps. This is what will ultimately lead to the food obsession being lifted. Moreover, becoming abstinent also puts us in a position to help others who are where we were.
You can do it
The fundamental truth is that you have the choice, if you are willing, to do something about your eating problem; regardless of your circumstances, regardless of what you have or haven't done in the past, regardless of how weak you think you are when it comes to food. You no longer have to be a prisoner of your eating disorder. You can, at this moment, begin a personal journey of recovery and transformation.
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