Pray It Off 02/10/11 Saying "NO" to Food Pushers

How to Say 'No' to Food Pushers
Tips for turning would-be diet sabotage into diet support.*
By Kathleen M. Zelman, MPH, RD, LD

When you're trying to lose weight, it can feel like temptation is everywhere. Sometimes, it comes in the form of friends and family members: Aunt Sally won't stop until you accept a piece of pie; your work friends insist you share their Buffalo wings during happy hour; your spouse complains about the lack of junk food in the house. Instead of providing diet support, it seems like your well-meaning loved ones are trying to commit diet sabotage.

What is it about dieting that can prompt this kind of reaction? Experts say some may not want you to change because they're uncertain how losing weight will affect you. Or your efforts may make them feel guilty about their own weight or eating habits.

Not only that, says Tara Gidus, RD, but food often helps to define relationships. "Sunday night dinners at Grandma's, happy hour with your colleagues, coffee with your friends -- these are rituals that are associated with foods and drinks and can impact the relationship," she says.

Turn Diet Sabotage Into Diet Support

So how do you keep "food pushers" from ruining your diet? When you're offered a food that's not on your diet, the best response is a firm "no, thank you" without any explanation,
because excuses open the door for arguments, says John Foreyt, PhD, director of the Behavioral Medicine Research Center at Baylor College of Medicine.

If that doesn't work, he says, try, "Thank you, but I'm on a special diet," or simply, "Thank you, but I'm trying to lose a few pounds." However, some people just won't take no for an answer. And saying no to loved ones can be especially hard. That's when it's important to seek support from the would-be saboteurs, experts say. Be honest about what you're going through, and ask them for their understanding and help.

"Food pushers are not bad people. They simply think they know more than you do about how much you should eat," says American Dietetic Association spokeswoman Jeannie Moloo, PhD, RD.

Here are some more tips from the experts for keeping your diet intact when you're faced with food pushers in several common situations.

Avoiding Diet Sabotage at Work

When treats are served at the office, ask that they be kept in a place that is not central to the working environment (or put them there yourself). "If you keep those doughnuts in the break room, you have to take a special trip to go in there to get one, whereas if they are sitting on a counter that you pass often, you are much more likely to indulge," says Moloo.

If there's a party at work, you don't have to miss out on the camaraderie. Instead, bring a healthy dish to share. Or eat before the party so you can say: "No, thank you; I just ate and I'm full." You could also follow the "take and toss" rule: Take a small piece of cake, enjoy a few bites, and then toss it. (If necessary, do the tossing in the privacy of your office or in some other discreet location.)

Avoiding Diet Sabotage at Family Gatherings

Chances are, you have a pretty good idea of what's likely to be served at your mother's or grandmother's for those Sunday dinners. So why not offer to bring a salad, vegetable, or healthy dessert?

"Who can resist an offer to help with the meal?" says Gidus. "And this way, you know there will be some food that you can eat and [you can] just take small portions of the other offerings." If they insist you take that piece of pie, it doesn't mean you have to devour a huge slab. Just accept a small portion, eat it slowly, and enjoy it. Or even just take a single bite.

Another option: "You can always graciously accept the food, saying something like, 'I'm full right now, but I'd love to take it home and have it later," says Foreyt. (Then you can ditch the decadent item at the first opportunity.)

Avoiding Diet Sabotage From a Spouse or Partner

Coping with your diet and changing size may be difficult for your partner, especially if he or she also could stand to lose some weight. Some may fear that if you get thinner, you may draw more romantic attention from others, or develop a wandering eye yourself. "Feeling threatened can cause partners to react negatively and not be supportive," says Gidus. To prevent this, make sure to reassure your partner that you love him or her, and ask for support for your weight loss efforts.

If having the house stocked with tempting goodies makes it harder on you, ask your partner to please enjoy these treats outside the house when you are not around. And what if your partner loves to cook? In particular, says Gidus, "many women show their love through food just like mom did, and cooking is their way of making their partner happy."

She suggests asking these nurturing types to find ways to show their love other than through food. And let them know that preparing healthy foods - even healthier versions of the family's favorite comfort foods - is a great way to show their love while supporting your health goals.

Avoiding Diet Sabotage During Happy Hour

If you're headed out to the bar with your friends, make a plan in advance for how you will navigate the alcohol, snacks, and pressure to consume both. "Knowing your temptations and being prepared with a strategy will help you enjoy the happy hour without feeling guilty afterwards," says Moloo.

Her advice: Drink one or two light beers or wine spritzers, then spend the rest of happy hour sipping club soda with lime (it looks like a cocktail). If you eat high-calorie appetizers, consider them dinner. Don't let friends pressure you into making bad decisions. Stick to your drink limit, and order some healthy appetizers for the table for everyone to enjoy. "Be careful when you are drinking alcohol, because you can let your guard down and before you know it, you have devoured the appetizer loaded with fat and calories," says Moloo.

Avoiding Diet Sabotage When Eating Out

When you're eating out with family or friends, experts advise, try to keep the attention on the conversation and away from what you are eating (or not eating).

"If you don't make a big deal about it, you are less likely to hear any comments from friends," says Moloo.

It's also a good idea to plan ahead of time what you'll order, if you have an idea of what is on the menu. You might want to have a lighter lunch or a more intense workout that day so you can splurge a little at the restaurant.

"You know you will be tempted by the menu and what everyone else is eating, so strategize your day so you can eat a little more than usual," Gidus says.

*http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/how-say-no-food-pushers

6 Ways to Say No to Food Pushers By Jennifer R. Scott*

"Just a little piece," my Mom says, as hot apple pie wafts under my nose, "You can't live on salads forever." I am feeling tempted. "You don't want any of my Black Forest cake?" my aunt asks, looking dejected. "You've always loved my cake. Come on, it's a special occasion." I start to think she may have a point.

Do these scenarios seem familiar to you? They aren't unusual. Whether it's a normal dinner or a holiday meal, food pushers seem to be around when you are least prepared.
This situation doesn't have to cause you to overeat. By being diplomatic about how you "just say no"
you can avoid both causing hurt feelings and doing damage to your waistline. Here are six ways to deal with food pushers:

1. Be Honest

Talk to family and friends about your weight-loss efforts. If your family get-togethers always center on a meal, they're going to find out anyway. If your friends always meet at restaurants, it's going to come up.

Explain: You are really committed to losing weight and want it to work. By saying no, you're not trying to offend anyone, it's just really important for you to keep a close eye on what and how much you eat.

2. Use Stall Tactics

If dessert starts making its way around the table, say something along the lines of, "I would, but right now I'm stuffed and I just wouldn't enjoy it." or "Maybe after a while I'll have some." In other words... stall.

I use the stall tactic if my Mom has been on a baking kick when we get together for our traditional Sunday family lunch. Sometimes I will say that I'll come back for a piece of cake or pie after I've had my walk; once I walk, my craving for something sweet has passed and it's easier to give a firm no.

3. "Mm-mm, Good!"

If you anticipate a dessert offer that you can't refuse, try to eat smaller portions of higher-calorie items during your meal. Then, take a small portion of the dessert. As you take the first few bites of your treat, make sure you give the chef your compliments; she will be less likely to assume that you disliked the dish when you say that firm no to a second helping.

4. Get it "To Go"

When offered seconds one too many times, ask for them to be wrapped up so you can take them home. You can always tell the cook you want to be able to enjoy the food later, or that it was so good you want to share it with someone else at home. Whether you eat it later or not is completely up to you -- there's no peer pressure when you are alone!

5. Get Prepared

Sad, but true: In some cases, a food pusher may be hoping you will fail at weight loss. There are those who are driven to sabotage someone trying to lose weight. They may be uncomfortable with your weight loss because of their own weight issues, they might dislike eating "bad" food without you, or they could be jealous or threatened by attention you may be receiving.

Whatever the cause, it is important that you are assertive, but not aggressive (which will only worsen the situation), when you say no. Practice being assertive in similar situations or maybe even while looking into the mirror. It may look silly, but if doing so will help you be stronger when the real thing happens, it's worth it.

6. The Bottom Line

Even if you can't find the "right" way to say no, chances are no permanent damage will be done to the relationships in your life when you do, so stick to your guns. It's not worth avoiding a few ruffled feathers to eat something you truly don't want to take into your body. You have the right to make your health top priority. Remember, no one but you is in control of your own behavior, so don't let pressure from anyone else sway you from your weight-loss efforts.

*http://weightloss.about.com/od/emotionsmotivation/a/foodpushers.htm

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